What You Don't Remember From College

It was late. A Thursday, which meant the campus was drunk, with the exception of us unfortunate bastards who had Friday morning exams. I didn’t come up with Holy Cross’ catch phrase – a drinking school with an intelligence problem – but I’ll be damned if my roommate and I didn’t epitomize it.

He woke me up, stumbling in at four in the morning. There was a long hallway between our beds and the door and he slumped into it the whole walk in, more weight on the wall than his feet, his waist tilted at a forty five degree angle.

I didn’t know what about and Sleever wasn’t in any fit state to articulate why, but boy was he belligerent. And pissed. With me of all people.

But he had more pressing issues. From the way he toppled over into his desk, you’d have the wall he was leaning had ended abruptly. Evidently he hadn’t seen it coming. This got me out of bed. I’d been laughing to myself listening to him drunkenly cuss me out under his breath beforehand, but now I couldn’t contain myself.

While I won’t ever be sure what exactly Sleever was saying as I dragged him into bed, I’m pretty sure it was, “You fucking bastard, what did you do with the fuck wall?” And that’s not a typo.

He quietly cursed me out to sleep, “fucking you, fuck you man. I swear I’d beat your fucking ass if you weren’t such a bitch.” And I mean until he fell asleep – I couldn’t stop laughing. It wasn’t until my econometrics exam in the morning I found out why. One of the guys living next door to us was in the class with me. He was a little weird, but mostly just nerdy. I mean that in the conventional pejorative sense. Poor social skills, smelly, and a bit of a shut-in – not the new age bullshit term it’s become. He was a nice kid all the same, I liked him.

“What the fuck happened last night?” he asked me.

“I dunno what you’re talking about man.” I didn’t think Sleever had been that loud.

“Your roommate started banging on my door at four in the morning, screaming about how you changed the locks and how he was going to kill you. I kept yelling back that it wasn’t his room but he wasn’t listening. I thought he was going to break the door down until he fell over trying to kick it. I almost had to call public safety. It went on for five minutes, you seriously didn’t hear it?”

So that explains that.